We are so lucky to be alive.

I saw two ambulances as I drove home at 10:00pm tonight. Icy roads are killers. And yet, I couldn't stop thinking about life. My kitten Millie... five months old and she hasn't learned to be afraid. The eight-month-old baby I nanny who hasn't learned of all the sadness in the world and so she returns every smile. This is the way it should be. Everything about these new creations screams that they are love with life.
I know my parents were waiting at home to hear the door close behind me. I know this because I can hear my mom roll over in her bed when I walk upstairs, even though her bedtime, literally, has long past. I hear my dad trudge out of bed. Every step he takes reverberates in our house. Now, my dad is a quiet man, but while opening doors and closing cabinets he breaks his proverbial silence, as if to announce he is still there with his actions, not his words.
My parents value my life so much that they put it before their own on nights like this. As I watched the first ambulance zoom over the overpass while crossing below, I realized I am scared of death. Death is bad. And death can only be bad if there is something inherently good about living. While there have always been people moaning about this life while waiting for the next, people rarely walk willingly to death.
I can say that the last two years of my life have been the hardest. I can say that at some times I have doubted life and I have questioned its' meaning. I have pondered about the peacefulness of death. But I have not entered her gates. This is because I have some memory of those times before. Those times before when I was certain that life was good. There was wonder, awe and amazement. Freedom, liberation, creation.
This is why we love life.
Granted, as we age, we may not love life as much as we did when we were first born. We are tired of living as death is the end of a long road. But, it is beautiful road and we will always look back and say that we missed it. isn't that what nostalgia is for...because the life we lived in the past is always brighter than the uncertain future. We keep seeking the future because of the distant memory of the past.
Nostalgia for life is our willingness to live.